


How to Properly Fall

by chocolafied, LunaTheLoneWolf



Series: Crack Creed [9]
Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Butcher's Knife, Falling with Style, Gen, Inspired by Real Events, Parody, Teacher Leonardo, We like to Torture Duccio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 17:18:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2278161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolafied/pseuds/chocolafied, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaTheLoneWolf/pseuds/LunaTheLoneWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ezio is away on a mission and leaves Leo in charge of teaching her novices. So Leo demonstrates how to use her parachute to get off the roofs. What better way to show the novices than a live demonstration?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Properly Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Our Leo is slightly crazy but we still love her. This came about because of her craziness... and I wanted to torture Duccio. :'D

**Characters in this story:**

* * *

 

“Alright-y class,” Leonardo said cheerfully in front of the recruits, “let’s all settle down before I cut all of your ring fingers off~”

And faster than any other time they were all assembled, all the recruits were seated. Their focus, however, was more on the butcher’s knife in the inventor’s hand; all of them wondering where it came from as she didn’t have it a minute ago. They also wondered where she was getting all her energy from this early.

There was probably something in that eggroll that she had sticking out of her mouth like a pipe. Her beret was even fixed to mimic a soldier's as she paced back and forth while addressing the novices.

“Now then, what we are learning today is—“

“Excuse me?” one brave (and questionably stupid) recruit interrupted while raising his hand. “Where is the Ment—“

There was a swishing sound and then a _thunk_. The entire class swiftly turned their heads to find a butcher’s knife buried in the wall extending up from the roof top and right above a, now very pale, recruit. “SILENCE!” Leonardo _roared_. The class immediately put their attention back on the painter, who was holding yet _another_ butcher’s knife (Where the hell was she getting them from?!) in her hand. After a moment of silence, she suddenly jabbed the knife in the class’s direction, screaming, “I kill you!”

After jumping slightly at the jab, no one else was willing to talk.

Leonardo coughed into her hand and her earlier cheery-ness was back. “Anyways, Ezio is away on a mission with the bomb freak, cross dresser, three ex-Templars, and the one ex-Templar’s girlfriend.” She then looked off to the side, holding her chin as she thought out loud, “I think they said something about a formal party and dresses.”

With a shake of her head, Leonardo turned her attention back to the class. “Anyways, since there are not any other capable teachers who want to teach, I get to teach you all today on the importance of falling correctly off a building! Now who can tell me the ways one would _normally_ get off the top of a building?”

The recruits glanced at each other before they gradually raised their hands. They waited for the teacher to call on them before they gave their answers in fear of the knife in her hands.

“Performing a leap of faith?”

“That is one way.”

“Diving into water?”

“Yes.”

“Performing an air assassination?”

“Correct.”

“Climbing down?”

“It’s a bit boring but yes.”

“Being pushed off by Yusuf?”

Leonardo paused in thought. “I think that one mostly applies to Cesare but it is true. Can anyone think of any other ways?” There was silence. “No? Well there is one other way: parachuting!” She looked around and chuckled at all the blank faces. “Ah, so the great Mentor has not told you about it yet.

“It is something I came up with,” she continued. “Picture it like this, you’re running away from the guards on the rooftops when there is suddenly no more rooftops to run on. Any nearby buildings are too far away to jump to and there is no safe way to get down, on top of you can’t fight the guards for whatever reason. So what do you do?”

Leo walked over to a big box she had in front of the class. From it, she pulled out a dirty man known as Duccio the rat. The class could only wonder how she got the man up here in a box as she placed the man in front of the class on the edge of the four story building.

The rat-man looked around, slightly dazed, before asking, “What am I doing up here? Did I get drunk again?”

The artist just ignored the sobering man as she addressed the class. “Now pay attention class! Look at how this man has no armor, nor does he have anything to slow his descent when I do this.”

The man turned his attention to the girl in front of him. “Wait what—“

His question turned into a scream as Leo promptly pushed him off the edge saying, “ _This_ is how you _don’t_ want to fall off the roof.”

The recruits stared wide eyed at the demonstration, cringing when they heard his screaming cut off with a loud sound of something breaking. Their wondering if the man was dead was answered when his voice rose back up to them with, “ _MY LEG_!”

They all made a mental note to not piss off Leo or, if they did, try to beg her to make their deaths less painful.

They looked back to the teacher as she walked back to the box. “See, you will greatly injure yourself if you do not have proper armor on or if you have something to lessen your fall. Then you have to go hobble off to a doctor if the guards don’t kill you first.”

She pulled out yet another person from the box, this one being one of their fellow recruits, and placed him in the same spot Duccio was in before. The classes’ only comfort in him standing there was the fact that he had all his armor and something was tied around his waist. “Now let’s say you were stupid enough to leave your parachute at home but smart enough to wear your armor and grab a bed sheet as you ran,” she said gesturing slightly towards the cloth tied around the unfortunate recruit’s waist.

Again she pushed him off the roof but, instead of screaming, there was only the flapping of cloth in the wind. “This is a better way to fall but it is still not as good.”

After she said that, there was a grunt as something hit the ground. Before the class could panic, the boy called up, “I’m okay!”

Leo looked over the edge at the recruit. “Good! Now go drag that useless fleabag to a doctor so he stops crying!”

A sweat drop went down the entire classes’ heads as Duccio’s crying slowly faded down the street.  _The poor man,_ they all thought. _Wonder who is worse for him to piss off; the Mentor, Yusuf, or Leonardo._

Once the crying faded off enough, the artist turned back to the class. “See, the armor and bed sheet help but there are flaws with the two. One flaw is that the armor combined with the body is too heavy for the bed sheet to properly catch air to slow the descent. Another is that the bed sheet is also too flat to properly catch air. So instead of breaking a bone, you’ll probably just get a few bruises but still be able to escape the guards.” She paused, and then added, “Well, unless you land wrong. _Then_ you might get more than a bruise.”

She shook her head as she walked back to the box. This time, she pulled out Baby Bird; making the rest of the class decide to just not question how she got the box up on the roof with the people in it. No, they now were questioning how many people were _in_ there.

Now Baby Bird was standing in the same spot as the previous two men. The only two differences between him and the others were the bag on his back and smile on his face. Either he didn’t know what was going on, or he was actually happy about it.

“Now _this_ ,” Leonardo said proudly, “is the best way to fall off of a building when you have no other options.”

But before she could push the boy off, he jumped up into the air and pulled a string on the bag. The parachute flew out the back of the bag, catch the air and making baby bird jolt slightly to begin his slow descent. As he fell out of view of the class, they heard him singing, “I believe I can fly~”

Leo held her head as she slowly shook it from the out of tune singing. “Anyways, having an actual parachute is the best way to get off a building when you have no other ways since I built it for this exact reason.”

She paused in her small speech as they heard Baby Bird yell from the ground, “Can I go again? Can I go again? Please, Leo?!”

Everyone sighed and shook their heads. Figures BB would act like this. “As I was saying,” Leo continued, “I only have one rule about the parachutes; I will not fix them after you break them after a certain amount of times, got it?” She was back in her soldier mode at that statement, glaring at all the recruits. To avoid a death-by-angry-Asian, they all gave a quick nod and scrambled off the roof as soon as she said, “Dismissed.”

* * *

 

Leo blinked, rubbed her eyes, and then blinked again. The Mentor was back from her mission with the band of miss-fits. But the only one who looked even a _little_ normal was Gravity.

To start with, the two assassins were wearing dresses as they trudged in. They were followed by the three ex-Templars, who were wearing _tutus_ of all things, and someone in a squirrel suit (who she could only guess was Sofia).

Ezio spotted the artist out of the corner of her eye and walked over to her, leaving the other’s to tiredly walk to their rooms. The assassin fell onto the couch with a tired groan while Leo looked like a goldfish. They were like that for a good minute before the artist slowly asked, “Do I want to know?”

“Probably not,” Ezio groaned. “At least the target is dead. How was the class?”

“I think it went well! I only nearly killed one recruit and sent Duccio to the hospital!” Leo happily chirped.

The assassin stared at the other girl. “Do I even want to know?”

Leo shrugged. “Probably not. Now go to bed; you look worse than death.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yusuf: Yes I made a Spongebob reference. Deal with it.
> 
> Ezio: Feedback is cool and flames will be used for a Duccio hunt.


End file.
